Tomorrow is Mother’s Day.
It takes science to be a mother. An egg, a sperm, some mixing of chromosomes, 9 months of development & hey presto you’re listed on a birth certificate as a mother.
It takes love, caring, nurturing, protecting & doing what is in the best interest of your child to be a Mum.
Not all mothers are good Mums and neither are all the great mums biological mothers.
It takes someone special to be a Mum.
Growing up I had a mother. A mother who knew about & condoned the abuse I suffered from my father (and others), telling me it was “his way of showing me he loved me”. She would often tell me to “ignore it & pretend it doesn’t happen”.
I grew up confused about how I felt about her – I loved her as a Mum but felt betrayed by her at the same time.
As an adult and a mother myself, my mother continued to be aware of & condone the abuse I suffered within my own marriage. On occasion she would witness my husband hitting me & punching me & her response would be, “will you just toe the line & do what you’re told, you’re ruining the day for us all”
Her attitude remained very much, “he’s your husband he’s entitled to do whatever he pleases – you do what your husband tells you to do when he tells you to do it”
When I finally fled my marriage my mother made it very clear that she did not support my decision & went as far as to tell my ex he could stay with her if he ever needed to. She also promised to tell him where we were living, as I had no right to leave him. She gave him her support.
That was the ultimate betrayal for me & from that day forward I no longer regarded her as a mum.
So yes, I have a mother but not a Mum. I have no contact with her & she has not been a part of our lives for the past 16 months. I will not be wishing her a happy Mother’s Day tomorrow.
I am a mother myself & whilst I am most certainly not the greatest Mum I hope and pray that I am indeed a mum to my two most amazing daughters. I love them, I care for them, I nurture them & I protect them in the best way I know how, and I most definitely try to act with their best interest at heart. I know I fail hopelessly at times but through all the mistakes I have made & am yet to make, I truly hope that they will always regard me as their Mum.
To all the deserving Mums out there I hope you have a most wonderful Mother’s Day